Nail biting: Why it happens and what to do about it HOW TO HELP BREAK A HABIT It is usually easier to tolerate a child's habit and let it run its course than it is to break it. Besides, some methods backfire, as one mom found out when she tried painting her child's nails with an over-the-counter product that is supposed to stop children from biting their nails. In this case, the cure was worse than the problem: When the girl rubbed her eyes, she developed a painful irritation. If you're willing to tread gently, you may be more successful in changing the behavior. Try these tips: Don't make a big deal of it. "Calling your kid gross or otherwise shaming him into stopping a habit never works," says Dr. Watson. "Demeaning him will only make the habit worse, especially if it's something he does to soothe anxiety." Punishment is also a bad idea. "Your instinct may be to come down hard and try to control your child's behavior," says Dr. Blackburn. "But a bad habit is not a discipline issue and shouldn't be treated like one. Don't make getting him to stop into an ongoing, emotionally charged battle. Not only is that counterproductive, but it can also affect the rest of your relationship with your child." Your best move may be to remain neutral and gear your efforts toward making your child aware that there are good reasons to give up his beloved habit. For instance, Dr. Blackburn suggests saying: "Sucking your lip gives you a red rash. I know you won't be happy with that, so I'd like to help you stop." Redirect your child's behavior. Your child will be better able to break a habit if she can substitute another behavior. But because she may perform her habit unconsciously, the first step is to make her more aware of it. Dr. Watson suggests the following exercise. "Tell your child: 'I know it's going to sound weird, but I'd like you to twist your hair in front of the mirror. I want you to think about how your hand feels when you're twisting your hair. Then next time you notice that your hand feels that way, I want you to immediately drop your hair and make a butterfly with your hands instead.'" You can also suggest that she squeeze her hands together for a count of ten, softly clap three times, or do something else she thinks of that's fun. Every time your child succeeds, be sure to reinforce the new behavior with a hug and plenty of praise.   Provide an incentive. Robin Ross, a mother of three in Montclair, New Jersey, was unable to stop her four- year-old daughter's nail-biting until she figured out the right reward. "Liana desperately wanted to wear nail polish like her friends, but I told her she couldn't until she quit biting her nails," says Ross. "She was finally really motivated and, to my relief, stopped completely." Kids sometimes come up with their own rather nifty solutions. As a preschooler, my daughter was a dedicated hair chewer until we discussed the problem and she proposed that I give her 50 cents for each day she managed not to do it. It took about two-and-a-half weeks for her to quit. In the end, she had dry hair and the cash for a new Barbie doll. If this seems excessive to you, Dr. Blackburn suggests a sticker system. "Place a sticker on a chart for each day your child is able to keep himself from doing the behavior. When he accumulates five stickers, he can exchange them for a small reward." Be aware of your own behavior. While no direct link has been proven, not surprisingly, children often develop the same habits their parents have. If you expect them to quit, you'll have to do so as well or suffer the consequences, as a friend of mine unexpectedly discovered at a recent wedding. When he told his four-year-old daughter, who was the flower girl, to please stop picking her nose, she turned to him (in front of the rest of the party) and replied, "But Dad, you do it too!" Wait it out. Because most children's habits are developmentally driven, once the developmental need passes, rest assured that the habit will too. Also, teasing from peers often does the trick. "In kindergarten, sucking on hair and clothes is big," says Dr. Blackburn. "But by second grade, all your friends are calling you gross." At that point, kids start to learn other effective ways of managing stress and transitions. So don't give your child too much grief over his habits, says Dr. Blackburn. "Chances are, they'll go away on their own." Article by Nancy Kalish, a New York City-based freelance writer